Tell Him
There’s nothing wrong with being iffy about your HIV status. But how can you communicate that to your partners?
Most of us have been iffy about our HIV status at some point. Of course, telling somebody flat out “I’m iffy” might raise a few eyebrows or prompt a perplexed look. But it also might lead to a deeper conversation about when you and your partner were last tested and what kind of sex you have and like.
So what are easier ways to talk about it?
• Talk about your comfort level before you hook up. Most of us have a gut feeling about what’s acceptable to ourselves and what’s not. There’s nothing wrong with being direct and honest about what you want to do with a guy. In fact, a lot of guys like knowing what makes you tick sexually and talking about what you want to do before you do it can be a hot way to get revved up.
• Know your patterns. If you know that it’s difficult for you to have a conversation about HIV status and condom use, think up a few sentences to say before hand that will help you break the ice.
• Use the information you have. A lot of guys who cruise online already identify their status on their profile. Sending an extra message asking when a guy was last tested can help both of you make informed choices about what you’re going to do in the sack.
• Think about disclosing first. Tell him where you’re at with your HIV status, however confident you are, go for it and spill the details, including what your comfort level is. It’s probably the one time when it’s better to be premature. Your partner will probably be really relieved that you broke the ice and got the conversation started.
What if I’m not sure about my status?
• Being iffy means that you aren't 100% sure that you're HIV negative.
• Most of us have been unsure of our status at some point.
• What's important is to own it by being honest with yourself. Believing you're negative or positive doesn't make it so.
• Only a test can tell you that.
• If you're iffy about your HIV status, don't assume you are negative or positive without getting tested.
Why would I tell someone?
Here are some reasons (as said by other guys) why you would disclose that you’re not 100% sure of your HIV status:
• “Because it’s good to be honest with your partners.”
• “It’s what I always do whenever I negotiate a scene with a partner.”
• “Once I tell him, I got nothing to hide. All my cards are out on the table.”
• “Because it shows him that I trust him, and hopefully makes him trust me.”
• “Cause I’d want him to tell me if he was in the same boat.”
• “Just saying it makes me feel better. I don’t feel like I’m deceiving him or anything, and then I can focus on having better sex.”
Why wouldn’t I tell someone?
Here are some reasons (as reported by guys like you) on why you wouldn’t disclose that you’re aren’t 100% sure of your HIV status:
• “Two words: boner killer.”
• “It’s none of his business how sure I am.”
• “Because when you’re drunk, you just want to have a good time and not let a heavy conversation get in the way.”
• “It’s too complicated, and it’s easier just to use a condom.”
• “Cause when is it ever cool to tell him anything like that?”
• “If he’s a friend of a friend, or if I know him, I won’t ask him questions like that.”
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